Hi everyone, today's going to be a different type of blog post. I'm going to use my blog as an open diary today, and just kind of brain dump all of my conflicting feelings about the impending future.
As we all know, senior year is advertised as some variation of the following:
-The best year of your life!
-The time to appreciate everything!
-Most chill and relaxed year of high school ever!!
Right? WRONG!
To clarify for those who think I've gone off the deep end– this doesn't mean I'm not enjoying my last year so far. I'm still having fun and (for the most part) doing what is expected of me. But it's one of those times where I also feel like I'm on overdrive 24/7. (I kid you not, I have never had this much homework in all of my four years of high school. IT SUCKS!)
Just to give you an example: today is my cousin's 14th birthday, and guess who didn't get to go to Santa Monica beach because she was stuck working on a massive psychology project?? This girl!
And yeah, to some people who will read this, the fact of the matter is that it's just what I signed myself up for. I get it and I accept it, but it doesn't make it any less sucky, y'know?
Soooo, college. Hype!!! I mean, right...?
Well... yes and no.
I'm ecstatic about the thought of November coming and going so that I can be done with this whole process and finally know next spring where I'll be spending the next four years of my life. So in a sense, yes I'm excited but no, I'm also not.
That's because I'm also terrified.
This is the screen I've been staring at for a few months. Have I made any progress whatsoever? Besides the busy work (name, address, parents, grades, etc) prrrretty much no. The thought of reflecting on everything I've ever done in life and adhering to a prompt that only allows 650 words to explain myself and my aspirations is horrifying. Some days I feel like this essay is nothing more than a self reflection in the form of a personal narrative, and other days I feel as though it is the equivalent of the end of the world as I know it. (I can hear you Dinah–I know, I know!)
An essay + bleh test scores but decent extracurriculars and awesome grades = an eh, alright app in my mind. Is this true? Well, depends on what admissions officer reads it. Time will tell.
It's just crazy how fast that same time is moving. I'm onto the next big chapter of my life, and I've really only had around 3 of them: being born, starting grade school, and starting high school. Now we're almost to: starting college. *Shudders*
Part of me is already missing the past as the future is creeping up, and I cannot accurately express how incredibly stressful it is somedays. Again, I have times where I feel on top of the world—and I have other times where I feel like the world is on top of me.
So, for all of you that consistently ask me about my college plans, please keep in mind that although I appreciate the genuine interest, I really don't know yet. I'm doing what I can when I can, so please bear with me. That said, I'll persist and finally get this application and many others done before November 31st.
I just wish it wasn't easier said than done, but I guess life is one big challenge, right?